You can give your team Christmas Every Week by having really bad meetings it’s a great way to be “busy” and unproductive. I don’t know about you but when I was working in the corporate world, I enthusiastically checked my weekly calendar with hopes Yes HOPES, of having Yes HAVING a week full of useless meetings (UFM) I am sure you can guess what the F stands for in that acronym. UFM’s were great for zoning out and wasting time. UFM’s are like giving your team Christmas Every Week.
I absolutely know you want to give this Christmas Every Week gift to your team 52 weeks of the year…so here’s how.
Don’t have a prepared agenda so you can drone on about nothing for hours. I used to love it when my bosses used to jabber on about the inane and minutia of BS that really did not matter and just loved hearing themselves talk. I could zone out, look at the stain on their tie and not blink. The boss believing, I was uber interested and not realizing I was thinking what’s the point here and when you will you stop talking.
- Do not under any circumstances start or end on time. People have nothing better to do than sit and wait for you. This is a great time for the members of your team to catch up with all the personal stories of the few team members that may have shown up on time. Or better yet talk about you and how bad you are as a leader. Then there is nothing better than letting the people you are meeting with next, or better yet a customer or client know that they will just have to suck it up and wait for you because this meeting is the “Never Ending Story.”
- Never ever get any real action plans laid out. Make sure that by the end of the meeting you will have to schedule another meeting to develop action plans for all the things you droned on about. It critical that everyone leaves without any decisive actions, responsibilities or timelines to adhere to or accomplish. The goal is in scheduling the next meeting.
- Make sure you use visuals. Real crappy ones. Ones that are completely filled with small text that you and only you can read, ensuring you read every word you have on each slide. That way you can demonstrate how well you can read, how smart you are and what a great and wise leader you are.
- You are the star. Under no circumstance what so ever is anyone allowed to talk. You are the star of this show and they are there to listen to you, for you are all wise and knowing. Collaborating is for flower sniffing hippies, not for those in a serious productive working environment. If one of your minions has a brain fart and forgets what this meeting is about and tries to inject some ideas or thoughts, shut that person down abruptly and let them know this is about you. After all, YOU ARE THE STAR!
Okay, so I am sure you know I am just kidding. These are not how to run a meeting but if you have been to a lot of meetings, I just bet that some of these resonate with you. Of course, there is a much better way to have good meaningful meetings Click the link to download a free weekly meeting template. TEMPLATE DOWNLOAD